"today must be getting real fuzzy!" my grandma, lois larson, said this in a thinking of you card i recieved.
"what's the comedy?" my grandpa, karl wendelin, said this to my younger sister, rory, during a visit once. she was laughing really hard.
i love outkast. yeah, everything is getting fuzzy today. seems like it came and went. i had all these hopes for this weekend, and i flushed down the toilet. now my cough worsens. i moved my bed away from the window. it's too cold. damn.
hm. a cappella. yuck.

"capturing the friedmans" is a documentary about memory. it's about a perfectly normal neighborhood, great neck, long island, new york, where a seemingly normal family lives. it is the father, arnold friedman, whose misery, guilt, secrets, and pain will purge into the heart of the friedmans and tear them apart forever. this all occurred from 1980 to 1988, roughly, though tendencies and phantoms go back years earlier before there was elaine, jesse, david, or seth. arnold is a pedophile. together, him and his son jesse, then 19, would plead guilty to over 200 counts of sexual abuse and assault on children. unfortunately, because of the shaky and loose memories of a angst-fueled community, eager to pin the blame on a nebbish retired teacher, detectives, police, authorities, and the children, the victims themselves that only half of these charges may actually be true. but such a powerful documentary begs the question, what is true? what is true about the friedmans, and the character of their individual natures? So much of the circumstances surrounding the downfall of the friedman family rely on memory. I highly recommend this documentary.

i want to know everyone's feelings if i was to secretly change my middle name to "x" instead of nicolaus, which i can't spell right very often. song of the moment: yeah yeah yeahs' "maps".
does anyone actually read this shit?

i want a cat. jet black. yellow eyes. shorthair, domestic, preferably part siamese. pre-owned, neutered. may
be named by previous owner, but must be up for a name change to "Boo-Boo The Second or Malcolm X." expect
to eat wal-mart special kitty cat food, with the occassional soft can food as a treat.
he will have a good home, but will have to put up with a mangy, slothenly dog for a time.

when i want to write, but not at the expense of pen and paper, i blog. easier on the joints.
i absolutely love the weekdays. this morning, i'm filled with a sense of excitement. i'm actually anxious
to find out what is going to happen this week. it seems to me the weekdays is when all the shit that
is going to go down goes. we start out alright, then we tear and rip, and are brought back together again
on the weekend, and the cycle begins again. so wait and see. saw 'elephant' last night. no words. so sad.
it makes me hate 'saved by the bell' even more. we were mindlessly reared, growing up, on that show,
and what did it do? reinforced negative stereotypes. suddenly, though this has always been true of the
formative years of junior high and high school, we were subverted into social pigeon holes and colored
the wrong way. no one saw the real 'me' or 'you'. we became the jock, the princess, the brain, the burnout, the artist, the nerd, the fucked-over.
then some outsiders, rejects, come to school one day, and senselessly blow everyone away with tech 9s and flames in the name of misguided immature ideologies. how tragic for all, and how deeply saddening. when will people see that we all need to be loved and listened to? everyone, not just the leaders, but the followers, and then the one who don't even want to lead or follow? never ever ever.
i remember when, in 8th grade, i ran for student president. i wasn't popular, in fact, i was ridiculed and made fun of, but i thought i could make a difference, and show people what this whole charade was all about. i was shaking in my shoes, scared shitless. jr. high stuco wasn't my territory. during my speech i made the day of elections in front of the meager entirety of the junior high student body, i said 'this is not a popularity contest. we need someone who can accomplish the work that needs to be done. if you want more dances, let's work with the teachers and principal and see what we can do. you want two ply toilet paper? let's talk to the janitorial staff.' yeah, let's vote for someone who doesn't have plush hottie looks, or a letter jacket. someone who doesn't beg for you vote with a fucking tootsie roll, jolly pop, or pencil with "VOTE FOR...' on it. someone who just wanted to do something honorable. someone who's reputation didn't depend on whether he won or not. he just wanted better things for everyone and for himself.
of course i lost. but the more i think about 'elephant', 'saved by the bell', and my one attempt at politics, it makes me proud and very sad.