What it's like to win $1000...and never want to win it again...

In light of all this hub-bub regarding those multi-million dollar Powerball winners, I'd like to make a few comments about what it's like to win that much money, and then resolve to never want to win that much money ever again...

But first, I'd like to say, congratulations to the Cook meat processing plant winners. If any of the underpriveledged, hard workers of Lincoln had to split several hundred million, I would have picked them. Think of it; one moment, they were no ones...work-a-day Joes and Janes, and the next moment, they're retired. Wild.

Well folks, that amount of money would change anyone's life, for sure, and I'm sure I could only imagine what I would do with that amount of money. To be brief, I'd spend some on stuff, maybe a much needed vacation for me and my family and Ray, and then I'd give a large portion of it to the performing arts (various organizations, theatre, no doubt). If there was enough money left, I'd sponsor some hungry, malnurished child in Guetemala, through Christian child-outreach, whatever, one of those organizations.

This past Decemeber, I actually won $1075 dollars through my work by way of a sales contest, of which I was won of the top sellers last quarter. It was great. I was elated. Best of all, it came right before Christmas. I remember feeling somewhat assured that I would win the contest since I needed only 27 digital phone sales in order to be entered in the contest. Every order after that was another entry in the drawing, and in the end, I had 57 entries. 'How could I loose?' The odds were in my favor because I had so many entries, yet I realized that anyone else in the same position had just as good a chance as I did.

As I sat at the reception desk that day, taking incoming calls, redirecting them to their appropriate extensions, I heard a light round of applause coming from behind the door to the secrured part of the building, and the customer service area. A rep from the front desk walked through the door soon afterwards and said the three words that changed everything atleast for a little while..."Ladd, you won."

That night, I had a nice dinner at the Olive Garden. It felt good to have so much money, and not have to worry about where it was going or who it came from. Later, I'd recieve alot of "silent flack" from the other reps, maybe jealous or envious that I'd one. The worst one even asserted that the prize money had come from "their pockets," yet, I'm certain that the prize money meant to be awarded throughout the year comes from corportate, which...in turn, I guess, comes from employees pockets. I didn't understand it really, but I didn't care. For the first time ever, I had so much money, I wasn't sure what to do with it. So I did what any other rabid American consumer would naturally do, I spent it.

Spent it on what? Clothes, Sopranos DVDs, Simpsons DVDs.... Stuff I wanted for a long time. Also went to stuff I needed, like gas, groceries. But soon, and quite suddenly, it was pretty much all gone, and all that was left was maybe anything from a few dollars to a few pennies on the three gift cards which contained the prize money itself. To clear out the cards, I had a co-worker of mine put the remaining balances on my cable account. Thusly, you'd see payments of .26 cents and .52 cents on my cable bill, afterwhich, I'd prompty shred the gift cards to a dusting of plastic shards, dumping them in the trash can under my desk.

My revelries now ended, the bastard Uncle Sam had only begun to have fun with what he would consider tough love, but I consider a blatant injustice to my income! Now, you could say, 'Well, Ladd, you should have thought about this beforehand! This is just one of those facts of life. Taxes are inevitable.' Rightly so, but how could I forsee that the IRS would dip their grubby little mits into my next paycheck and lovingly extract almost $525 total from it, thereby, fucking me over for the next month. Luckily, my student loan payment wasn't due (yes, student loans, that's one thing I would pay off if I won the lottery) until Febuary, so I nearly evaded that. But consequently, I stumbled in my financial footing for nearly a month aftewards, and have only now began to recover from the taxes taken because of that prize money.

Ergo, I never want to win that much money again, be it $1000 or $365 million, unless there's a way that my paycheck will go unscathed by unclean hands! I can assuredly say, I know what it feels like for big Powerball winners. If I could fashionably retire today, I probably would, ANYONE WOULD, and devote the rest of mortal life to art, theatre, self-expression, and frequent travel abroad. But such dreams are lofty, and at least for now, out of reach.

Like I said, that amount of money, the kind of money won by those lucky meat plant workers, would change anyone's life, for good, or at least for a little while. My life if fine right now, I'm perfectly content, and comfortable, in my familiar surroundings, and no amount of money could change that.

Lesson learned. Press on.

I bought the antique desk of my dreams yesterday. It's wonderful, I'll have to describe it later....Hidden compartments... That's all I have to say about that.