American Idle or THE CHILDREN'S CRUSADE

While I normally post on the American Idol message boards, only to find out that my posts go rarely viewed because most people are there to post such ubiquitous jibberings such as 'O ACE U R 2 HOT!!!!!!!' or 'TAYLOR TOTALLY SUX! HE NEEDS TO GO OFF UV THEE SHOW!!!!'. Today, I will treat my regular readers with my predictions for tonight's elimination show, and also comment on the frontrunners thus far...

BY THE WAY (if only to prove the size of my inflated ego): On last week's elimination show, I predicted SWAY, DAVID, HEATHER, and MELLISSA would get the boot on the AI message boards. I was 3 for 4! Let's see how well I do tonight, I, Mr. Mystique the All-Knowing!

ELIMINATION SHOW: (3/9)

THE GUYS:
Kevin
Will

ON NOTICE: Bucky

By now, I think the show is proving that the competition belongs to the more experienced/seasoned performers, with a few exceptions (i.e. Kellie, Paris). On the guy's side, much like the ill-fated Children's Crusade of the Middle Ages' Crusades, Kevin and Will have only gotten as far as they have through sheer luck, and nothing more. They should feel fortunate, because now the voting audience, if they have any consciousness, are going to vote these luck-children off the show, and send them packing back to where they belong: HOMEROOM, their tiny faces buried in the latest issue of Highlights for Kids. Kevin maturely handled Don McLean's "Starry Night" as if trapped in a Brady Bunch tribute episode. You can just imagine Florence Henderson smilling serenely at him from the across the room. Meanwhile, Will sang a smarmy rendition of Gaye's "How Sweet It Is...". May the go the way of last week's castoff David Radford. As I mentioned on the AI boards last week, if Kevin and Will are lucky, they'll make it back home in time for the spring musical auditions. Imagine Kevin warbling "Close Every Door" from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and Will sporting a ravishing British accent when he sings "The Street Where You Live" from My Fair Lady. What unmitigated bliss. Sorry guys, but the competition belongs to the strong. Time to go. Fine'.

Bucky is on notice in my book. While his country renditions have been servicable at best, they are nothing really compared to some of the songs tackled by Gideon (a rising star in the competition) and Taylor. Despite the whole "I've got a twin!" trump card, and the backwoodsy approach to his performance persona, Bucky may not last this week's competition, and if not this week's, next week Bucky may be axed.

THE GALS:
Kinnik
Mellissa

ON NOTICE: Ayla

You earned America's good graces last week, Mellissa, you taudry mistress of song! But not this week! Oh no... This week is you week to go. You cannot impress me with another droll Heart song. Let's face it. By now, those that own the AI competition are the ones that are actually entertaining to watch, connect with the song, and perform as if they've had years of experience, at least. Mellissa, Kinnik, and Ayla for that matter, do not bespeak of any of those qualities. And Ayla, for that matter, I am sick to tears of hearing about her jaded "born with a golden spoon in her mouth" lifestyle. Her father is a Senator, her mother is a newscaster, and she is a all-star high school basketball player. Plus, she's tall enough to be Paul Bunyan's wench! Are these traits the making of a pop star? Methinks not. Ayla, you may make it to next week, but watch out. There are far greater talents on the ladies side of the competition than you. Your bright smile, cheery looks, and 'I'm #1' attitude will only get your slimy looks as far as the toilet bowl lid if you're not careful! You're on notice.


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RANDOM BITS_

Okay, moving on... So, who's forgotten about the Oscars already? I have! To me, they were so forgettable, they're already a distant memory. I mean seriously, It's like they happened a year ago, and it will be another year before an Oscar ceremony worth remembering comes along. Aye me. I was not impressed. And poor Lauren Bacall. In my mind, I imagine a Christmas goose, its feathers unplucked, charred into a misshapen and unrecognizable form. Sad.

I bought my desk yesterday. It's glorious. However, I discovered the little post-it note the sales lady had put on the desk marking it as "SOLD" had actually eaten some of the finish off where the adhesive on the note stuck to the desk. Oh well. Like a well-worn pair of Adidas, such scuffs and tarnishments only add to the character of the desk, or a pair of shoes. But believe me, it looks glorious. I can just imagine some old cotcher like Dickens, Tennyson, or Hemmingway sitting at a desk very similiar to the one I have penning prose so melifluous, it causes mass immaculate misconception in all the womenfolk of the village. Their wombs were filled with song and the flutter wings of snow-white doves!!!

I am a huge Alan Moore fan, and am convinced that at his best, although he is a comic book writer, his genius is a contemporary of, dare I say it, Shakespeare's (had they have written at the same time, of course). For those untutored in his works, he is the author of "From Hell", "Watchmen", "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen", and "V for Vendetta" which will arrive in theatres next week as a full blown spectacle of visual bravura and brooding peformances by Hugo Weaving (Agent Smith from the Matrix) as the terroristic philosopher V, and Natalie Portman as the waifish Evie Hammond, who joins V to save Britian from a fascist state. Purists, and Alan Moore himself, have shunned Hollywood's rampage of his works because they are at best unfaithful to the original source material. One need to look no further than the stylish, yet boorish debicle that is "From Hell" starring Johnny Depp and Heather Graham (yuck, she's the worst actress ever), and "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" starring Sean Connery, who played Alan Quatermain well, but was victim to too many explosions in one film and a stupid retelling of Moore's storyline. Moore, in a fit, had his name removed from the production credits, and from the production all together of 'V for Vendetta', but by the sound of some of these early review, perhaps he'll be wishing he hadn't. The wacky Wachowski Bros. (oddball creators of the Matrix trilogy, also forgettable) are producers and also wrote the screenplay. Beings they are heralded as comic book geek kings, it only stands to reason that perhaps they would do justice to Moore's original material, and not shy away from moments, for example, when V is dispatching some baddies while gleefully reciting a passage from Macbeth. I will probably go see V for Vendetta in hopes that, despite his name being intentionally excluded from the credits, Alan Moore won't totally be forgotten by the time final frame flashes across the screen.

Besides, V kicks ass.

"Remember, remember, the fifth of November..."